I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
