So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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