if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
