i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
