You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just saw a hot homeless man
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
