my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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