be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
