also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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