Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
