When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
