I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
