Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
