i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Randomize
