Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
