her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
