ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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