yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
