I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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