wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
