I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
