soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
