me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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