Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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