Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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