yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
