Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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