Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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