you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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