i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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