I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
