I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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