I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
