brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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