I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
