Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
