how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
