Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
