areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
