i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
