I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
