You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
