I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
