Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
