I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
