Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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