Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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