Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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