i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
