He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
