Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
