I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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