I skipped work to stalk him.
Quick, to the slutcave!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
