Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
