I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
