The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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